DON'T JUST 'TELL YOURSELF'

In recent months I’ve been exposed to people in recovery who I tried to help, but could only watch them relapse again. I bring this up, because all of them (in my opinion) were using the same flawed technique as they began to try to change their lives. The saddest part about these relapses is that they seemed to truly want to change - that was not the problem. I can strongly identify with them, because I had made the same mistake a few times in my own recovery journey. Being aware and overcoming this problem was one of the major steps that I needed to make to find the current success that I have today. I find it important to write on this.
The crux of this revolves around the ‘head to heart’ paradigm. I’ve sure that you heard it in many recovery programs. It is basically about taking your changing thinking and moving it the ‘18 inches’ to having it felt in your heart. I have yet to hear a definitive description of how to do this, but I’ll give you my take here briefly (I‘m writing a long post on this, so you can get more detail soon). To begin to make real changes to what you believe in your heart it takes a 3 basic steps -

1 New thinking >
2 Action (to back up that thinking) >
3 Experience (as a result of these actions) =
New beliefs (in your heart)

The most import part of this is the ‘Experience’ part. The first 2 stages can be done alone and not lead to the experience needed to change the heart. You may ask “How can action not lead to experience?” Well, action taken by someone with a closed mind shuts the door to the awakening experiences needed.
Let me go back to these relapses I started with. The people were stuck in stage 1 (new thinking) They were working on the false belief that just by changing their thinking alone was all that is needed. Unfortunately new thinking is not the complete answer - even though it can fool you into thinking it is!
To maintain their new thinking, I could almost imagine their brains on a treadmill. For example they ‘knew’ that they needed to be positive about life and grateful, so what did they do? They would keep their brains running by telling themselves “I must be positive”, or “I must be grateful” hundreds of times a day. On top of that, they would put on a show to others trying to convince them that they are these things. It reeked of fake and insincere, but I could tell them that. Worse, other recovery people were telling me that it is a mistake to have these people question their new (thinking) feelings. To me these other mentors were on co-signing the BS the people were dealing with.
These struggling people didn’t move forward to action and then on to the experiences that should follow - they felt that they got it. This is another example of the ‘easier softer way’ we hear about.
I’m sure that we have all tried treadmill running before. You can maintain it for a while, but in the end you get tired and have to stop. That is what happened to each of these people. One day they each got tired of ‘telling themselves’ how they should feel and felt the reality of how they truly did still feel - since no real change moved into their hearts.

FDA's boceprevir review spotlights safety concerns - FierceBiotech

FDA's boceprevir review spotlights safety concerns - FierceBiotech

FAULTY BELIEFS

It is our faulty beliefs that cause our bad habits, poor choices, and self-destructive behaviors. When we make choices based on our faulty beliefs, it is almost impossible to make a good decision. Attempts at recovery that are based on controlling are addictive behaviors are flawed, because it is the mindset that needs our attention. How can someone become comfortable being clean & sober, if they a forced to live in a world that does not conform to their faulty beliefs?
I’ve tried to push this idea of a faulty belief system for a while, but usually find myself under attack. Addicts, Alcoholics, and most Recovery Groups created by them - would much rather focus on the habit (drugs, drinking, ect), than attacking the real problem. 12 Step programs do dig into self-awareness/changing beliefs somewhat (in step 4 for example one can have an opportunity to look at their past thinking), but don’t center their programs around it.
One of my favorite examples of the power of a belief system is the ‘Elephant Story‘ - “As my friend was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a rope tied to their legs. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their ropes they were tied to, but for some reason they did not. My friend saw a trainer nearby and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.
“Well’, he said, “When they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and at that age, its enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away, They believe that the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.” My friend was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds, but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were. The powerful and gigantic creatures have limited their present abilities by embracing a false truth - created by a belief formed in its past, but no longer valid.”
We can’t focus our recovery on the ‘Rope’, but on our faulty belief system that gives the ‘Rope’ power over us.

Changes to this site in progress

I'm doing a total revamp of how this site will look and function. None of the previously existing posts will be effected - so feel free to continue reading them and adding comments.

What's Been Going On

I haven't been posting here as much as I would like. I run a recovery group on facebook called EVERYBODY NEEDS RECOVERY and have been giving that most of my attention. I have been getting e-mails from people saying that they try to avoid using facebook and wish I would do more here. I have also entered this site into 'StumbleUpon' and this should bring many more readers.
Give me a few days and I'll move some of the facebook posts over here and then keep this site as an 'up to date' mirror of that site.
Just to keep it interesting - I'm gonna post some 'exclusive' things here to try to bring people over from facebook and turn this into the lead site. Stay tuned!!!!

SOLITUDE

I've never had a problem spending time alone. If anything, I seek solitude more than I should - my life should be balanced better in this regard. I enjoy my personal times for many reasons. I like to read, do a lot of writing, meditate, reflect over my life in positive ways, write/perform/record music, paint/take photos, continue to educate myself in many fields, ect. I can not imagine my life without a certain amount of time put aside for solitude every week.
What I have a problem understanding is that there are so many people that I know that are very uncomfortable being by themselves. I believe however that this is because, in the last few years, I been exposed to a large number of people who are trying to recover from drinking and drug addiction (my census poll of people is probably tainted).
The last 3 years in particular, have been spent living/working in recovery half-way houses. Many people living here can barely stand more than a few seconds without the comfort of constant distraction. Most need to fall asleep with a TV, or radio on. Some wake up and before their feet hit the ground, have to put on their headphones for their mp3 player.
I remember when I was staying in rehab centers and things like Walkmans were discouraged, because they were considered ‘Isolation Tools’. For a long time I assumed they meant isolation from others, but one morning I remember watching this guy brushing his teeth a 6AM with music blasting in his headphones and it dawned on me that they were worried about isolation from one’s self.
I don’t know why its so hard for many, except to think that they have not reached, or actively avoid, what it takes to make peace with oneself and the world. Most recovery programs offer knowledge and suggestions for action that can make life in recovery a lot easier to live. Unfortunately it is a difficult path to affect change. It is not only a matter of knowledge - much more important is personal action and the experiences that follow.
My past is filled with many poor choices and regrets. If I let myself be consumed with things like regret, anger, fear, guilt, hopelessness, low self-esteem, and melancholy - I’d probably avoid solitude also. Hell, I’d avoid staying clean and sober!
I am very grateful for where my attitude about life has led me to today. My times of solitude have become one of the biggest blessings that I cherish.

What's worse

What's worse than building a tolerance to drugs and alcohol is building an intolerance to being clean and sober.