I want to change, but feel I’m not ready yet. (response to question)
In my experience I realized that I would never be ready by waiting to be ready. It’s like motivation - you don’t wait to get motivated and then begin a difficult task because you’ll be waiting forever! I almost always have to begin the hard arduous stuff by forcing myself to do it. What happens is that once the work begins, I start to get motivated, then it gets easier.
Trying to change myself is by far the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. Many times I did things to change that I had no desire to do, even though I knew they were necessary. Things felt wrong with every fiber of my being. I didn’t feel ready, but I did it anyway. Everything was forced.
After a time I built up the strength to be able to move towards the changes that would lead me towards my desires to make a new life for myself, without a feeling of being forced. It feels more natural now. My thoughts, actions, and reactions have changed without me having to think about them in advance to decide the best course of action. There seems to be an inertia in the state of being - persistence wants to remain at rest, but once in motion change wants to keep on going.
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