ROADBLOCKS TO CHANGE part 1 A

CHANGE - problem solving (part 1 A)

Many times when I’ve attempted to change things about myself, I have run into brick walls which seem to make change impossible. I have found that the biggest reason it seems impossible is not because the problem is, but because of the way that I’m trying to do it. I seem to go in circles. I want to change my thinking with my thinking. AA has described an alcoholic’s problems as a “self-imposed crisis”. How then can it be solved by a self-imposed solution?
Remember that these problems are not just suffered by alcoholics and addicts (the theme of this blog states EVERYONE). I believe that everyone, in some ways, gets stuck in their own thinking to some degree. Anyone striving for self-improvement will also have to find ways to think outside the box of their own thinking. What is needed is a second-order change - a way to look at the problem from the outside of the box. From using only your own thinking to change (being stuck inside the box - first-order change), second order change seems unpredictable, abrupt, illogical. That is the nature of it, the change has to go beyond what you think and believe. After all, true change involves transforming what you think and believe to some extent!
The follow is a good example of the problems that people face when stuck in their own thinking. Look at the 9 dots in the picture. Copy this onto a piece of paper. Here’s the problem to solve - without lifting the pencil off the paper, find a way to connect all of the dots using only 4 straight lines. There is a solution and it is not a “trick”, try to figure it out.
I put the solution on the following link. Don’t get frustrated and jump to it right away. You can solve this!!!

http://picasaweb.google.com/steventmeer/9DotSolution

ROADBLOCKS TO CHANGE part 1 B

CHANGE - problem solving (part 1 B)

Almost everyone who tries to solve this problem introduces as part of their problem-solving an assumption which makes the solution impossible. The assumption is that the dots compose a square and its solution must be found within that square. This is a self-imposed condition which the instructions do not contain. If one fails to solve this problem, it is not in the problem itself, but in the attempted solution.
This is one example of a roadblock that can prevent change. One must get out of the self-imposed box that they are stuck in using their own thinking alone. In 12 step recovery groups, it is stressed that one is powerless to solve their own problems and must seek help outside themselves to do it.

BEING READY TO CHANGE

I want to change, but feel I’m not ready yet. (response to question)

In my experience I realized that I would never be ready by waiting to be ready. It’s like motivation - you don’t wait to get motivated and then begin a difficult task because you’ll be waiting forever! I almost always have to begin the hard arduous stuff by forcing myself to do it. What happens is that once the work begins, I start to get motivated, then it gets easier.
Trying to change myself is by far the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. Many times I did things to change that I had no desire to do, even though I knew they were necessary. Things felt wrong with every fiber of my being. I didn’t feel ready, but I did it anyway. Everything was forced.
After a time I built up the strength to be able to move towards the changes that would lead me towards my desires to make a new life for myself, without a feeling of being forced. It feels more natural now. My thoughts, actions, and reactions have changed without me having to think about them in advance to decide the best course of action. There seems to be an inertia in the state of being - persistence wants to remain at rest, but once in motion change wants to keep on going.

THE HUMAN CONDITION (Steven's responses to questions posted)

1 Why is it acceptable to feel stressed, pain, anger but feeling pleasure is not talked about?

Why is it acceptable? Misery loves company. Lets face it we all suffer in some ways, its good to know were not alone. Most people are negative by nature, pessimism is easily understood and related to. But, the main reason I believe that the un-pleasurable things are talked about is because we find them personally unacceptable. All of these feelings, (stress, pain, anger) cause a tension that has to be released. Instead of dealing with the issues in a healthy way, by facing their true causes for relief, its easier to vent to others to try to find some easy relief. “Why me” “Poor me” “Its not fair” “I can’t take it anymore” “How could this be done to me” People want to share all of this suffering to get their bullshit co-signed. When others can agree with all of the crap your dishing out, it makes you feel better. All that this does though is propagate the negative attitudes, behaviors, and character traits that really need to be addressed. I always warn people that my advice may not be the answer your looking for.
Why is pleasure not talked about? The main reason is because there is no tension, there is nothing to vent. Pleasure and good feelings can be self-absorbing. Some people are also concerned that talking about good things will make it seem like their bragging or showing off. Pleasure is also fleeting, its hard to drag it past the moment. That is what makes pleasure so powerful - its fleeting. Many negative emotions can be self-perpetuating (they can feed off themselves - like anger can turn into resentment).

2 Why do people need to suffer?

The short answer is that “pain is mandatory, but suffering is a choice” I can give you the long answer, but it will take a bit. If you want it, post the question again and I’ll try to give you a deeper take on what I think about it.

Visit THE HUMAN CONDITION group on facebook

Hello

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