KB part 6

KING BABY by Tom Cunningham
First published July, 1986.
Copyright © 1986, Hazelden Foundation.
(part 6)

HEALING OUR SCARED LITTLE CHILD
Using all the love and support from our Twelve Step group, . we must begin an inward journey to meet that scared "bad" boy or girl part of us, so long ignored. We can let ourselves imagine walking into his or her room and seeing the child huddled and crying in the corner. We can become loving, caring parents to that child within each of us. As any parent would do, we encourage the child to come, sit close, and to explain what is wrong. Then by holding that child, saying "It's all right," and gently wiping away the tears, we can let this youngster know that he or she is loved, is a beautiful human being, and is safe.

THE NURTURING WITHIN A.A. AND N.A.
A soft, warm, secure feeling exists in Twelve Step groups and it reaches out to newcomers with the message "You are loved just because you exist, and I will love you even before you become lovable." This is the promise of A.A. and N.A. - love with no strings. The only expectation is a sincere desire to stop drinking or using. This is the warm, radiant womb that the Baby has been looking for all along. The warm, caring Twelve Step family is genuine and stands in sharp contrast to the false security of alcohol and other drugs.

SELF-LOVE
Slowly, the recovering Baby begins to gain self-respect through the Twelve Steps. It's hard work changing one's whole life, but A.A. and N.A. are always there as guides. In these programs, an awareness of personal dignity begins to bloom. It happens through self-discovery, self-discipline, self-forgiveness, and self-acceptance. Gradually the scared little child takes the opportunity to develop self-love.

TO LOVE AND BE LOVED
It makes no difference if the people in our Twelve Step groups loved us before we loved ourselves. The key is that now we are loving ourselves more. Gradually, we will explore and discover all the wonderful assets we have.
It's like a celebration for a sponsor to watch a sponsee discover his or her wonderful and unique talents. Each one learns from the other while going through the trials of early sobriety. Sponsors do this so they can stay sober; but, in doing so, they reinforce all that they have learned. Watching the newcomer come alive again is a thrill that is reward enough.

FREEDOM
Coming alive again with a sense of self-dignity and becoming connected with a sponsor will prepare us for the next stage.
Our immaturity has forced us to spend our lives attracting outside power to feel good inside. Selling ourselves for a smile was slavery. Good feelings do not come from people, places, or things, but from the inside.
Reclaiming personal power comes by first admitting powerlessness over others. We all need to take responsibility for our own self-worth and dignity. Self-worth does not depend upon what others say or do, but instead on how a person reacts to what others say or do. There are choices about the way to
react. Reacting with fear, anger, or resentment tends to make a person feel worthless. Accepting the fact that everyone is not going to agree with us, and perhaps not even like us, is reality.