TRUE SURRENDER

For a long time I had a misunderstanding of what means to surrender. A number of times my self-destructive behavior led me to a point of desperation where I was able to say that I was ready to surrender. At those times I thought that I did surrender, but did I really? Sometimes it took weeks, or months, a few times more than a year, but eventually I went back to thinking that it was a fight that could be won. I believed that I had learned from the mistakes that brought me to my knees and formulated a new master plan.
Sometimes I try to explain this mind-set that I had by using the analogy of a wrestling match. During the match, the other wrestler gets me down on the mat in a choke hold. I’m pinned down and can’t move or breathe, so I surrender. The match is over. Once I get up and can breath again, my strength returns. I’m mad and frustrated because I’m ready start wrestling this guy again. Its now hard to imagine why I had given up at the time. Did I really surrender, or just give up? Is there a difference between the two?
I believe that there is, and the way that I understand it now has given me much more serenity in my life. Looking back, at times when I thought that I surrendered, I see that I was just giving up for that moment. The fight is actually not taken out of me, I was just denied the option of continuing the fight for the moment. I was not surrendering with free choice. To embrace the gift of what surrender truly is, it must be made by freely choosing it. The decision to surrender should not be based on ones current state of weakness, even though one usually doesn’t even begin to consider it as a real option until stuck in such a position. This is where my misunderstanding developed, I connected weakness with surrender. What happens then when one begins to reap the rewards of “surrender” (giving up), and then begins to gain strength back? True surrender must come from embracing the fact that fighting is not the solution. The contest can never be won by power/control vs. power/control. This is a no-win situation. The solution lies outside of this mindset.
Want to put a big change in your life? This surrender that I'm talking about has to do with surrendering your own will to a higher power outside of yourself. I may have used surrender in the pretext of recovery, but this is something that certainly relates to everyone. Pride and total self-reliance hinder everyone from living a better life. Try applying this new mindset to many situations you face in life. There are many times where we fight against things that can not be changed or fought alone, no matter what we do. Yet, we still fight. Many things in life must be faced on life’s own terms. Learn acceptance, humility, and faith.